I have this spirit guide. Her name is many (they all always are).
She is Grace.
She is Astara.
She is Sahasrara.
She is One Thousand Petals.
Her name, it is, and it means, TO BLOOM.
She is my enduring enlightenment and she is the light I hold onto when I might be drowning.
We begin as a seed. Hopeful to germinate, the instructions lie within and in wait. But for a long time, we forget. We forget. We forget everything.
But I promise you that you know. If you can have patience. If you can wait in the quiet and loosen the hate upon yourself. Do you see how much pain you are in every single day? Every moment of needing to change yourself? Needing to grow yourself different? Comparison from blossom to blossom! You are a UNIQUE blossom to this Earth. You are something that has never ever ever been before. That is why and the only reason that you could possibly exist. It’s something magical and we take it and try to write it to fit the blueprint of the outside. But what you are is new and different and who could possibly tell you who to be but your very own being?
And let the grace of life teach you.
“Humans, you will never understand how very exquisite you are within the confines of what you call ‘human’. Even as you use the word, ‘human’, there is an inherent misunderstanding. There are connotations of (human) Science and fixed points in time, of limitlessness lost. There are connotations of ape and still, of small and terrified of a universe so large, larger than you. But this is error. You are. You ARE. All there is, all there was, it’s all inside of you. How could that be small? Let it embrace you when you look at yourself in order to fix you…. Look at the universe of exquisite NEW and BLOOMING that you are!” – Sahasrara
Recently I went through my darkest time on this Earth thus far.
It was an awakening of all the dark that had always been there.
It’s not that it awoke and rose up. It’s that I awoke to it.
I fell through myself again and again. Over and over. No one could help me even as I desperately leaned on them for support. Nothing was enough. I was so consumed by my pain. So consumed. I felt like I was dying, all the time. I felt like the universe was trying to kill me. I felt like I could not breathe in any clear air. Every particle was painted in black.
And to the universe, I give thanks.
To the dark, I give thanks.
I cover all my pain in the grace of gratitude, love and appreciation.
I honour and marry her, gratitude, grace, into my wounds.
I fill the empty space, and the cuts where blood fell from, with my utmost thank you to every injury and every experience that helped inflict them.
Through space, time, dark, light, negative and painful, bright and luminescent…….. I ENDURE.
And now…EVERYTHING IS SHINING GOLD.
I am so glad to know the depths of which I hate myself.
I am so glad to know the depths of which I feel powerless.
I am so grateful to the spark of the universe for pouring this light inside to give contrast to the black.
Because I am inspired from here.
I am inspired into my greatest love.
My greatest freedom.
My greatest peace.
The chaos and the dark bring me freedom.
And now all I know is that I must love my self.
And so I do.
Thank you to ALL.
My guides always draw my attention to this song’s lyrics. They say most of this is how they feel about me.
“The world is brighter than the sun now that you’re here
Though your eyes will need some time to adjust
To the overwhelming light surrounding us”
“You are loved
You are loved more than you know”
“Though your heart is far too young to realise
The unimaginable light you hold inside”