I’ve known that uncertainty has been headed my way for some time. As I journey on to freedom, I have known this – true freedom involves letting go of knowing where you are headed. I have known uncertainty has been calling me and I have feared it’s wake. But. I find myself amidst it here and now. And in one day I resisted it. And in the next I became free. Because it touched me and surrounded me so completely, I could no longer grapple to find it’s edge. And here I am, sunken, but still somehow breathing beneath the surface I was so sure I needed to stay above. We always think we know where our oxygen starts and ends. But. What if we don’t? This, I have found.
My hands tried to constantly have something to hold… but they were emptied by the salt. Of the sea, of my tears, of those crystallised pieces I found in my wounds. And I thought all of this salt was trying to drown me in searing pain and liquid. But what it was really doing was cleansing me, releasing me. And now I am This. This immortal wind of air. I blow and I move freely and nothing can stop me. I am oxygen and I am free.
Something has to be touching us
For us to feel like we’re living
But in the darkness of nothing
I have known incredible things
~ Rebecca Elizabeth Anne