Sometimes I’m scared to write sad posts because I’m worried that people, potential clients or people who could benefit from my perspective, may look at it and say, ‘she is clearly not healed herself, how could she help me?’. But mostly I think, ‘I hope my sharing helps someone who feels the same way’. It is important for all of us to recognise that even the grandest, most graceful spiritual master, is one who has bad days too, as you cannot be void of human emotion and simultaneously a human. These spiritual masters get better at ‘riding the wave’ of their emotion. They allow, accept, process, release.
Here is me doing the first few steps of that.
Somedays there is nothing to do to change what’s bad. There is nothing to say, nothing to push against or towards. There is only grace.
By grace, may I survive this
By grace, may I be found free
By grace, may I sleep soundly
I looked up the definition of the word, grace.
So many people have told me that I come across ‘graceful’. My spirit animal is the swan, a being that embodies the vibration of grace. I looked the word, ‘grace’ up today as I found it flowing through the above short poem and the way that I am feeling. I read over many of the meanings and associations. One of which was:
I looked up the name of the goddess that pertained to grace, “Thalia”:
And I started crying. The most recent spirit guide of mine that I have met…and the aspect of my higher self that is currently integrating into my present consciousness (I will make a video on this soon), her name is Astara and she told me it means, ‘to bloom’. She says that Thalia is ‘what her name could be in English’.
As I sit here, realising what is going on, watching everything around me crumble and fall, feeling so much pain, I realise everything is happening as it is happening because I am growing…blooming.
I hear the part of my heart that cries say, “I don’t want to grow if it means that everything I love –know– dies.”
I am losing all that I know to find what I don’t know.
I am dying to be reborn.
“To feel safe, you must first be willing to die.” says my guide, Samuel.
So here, I die. I’m dying to the unknown, to death, to the void, to the silence, the darkness. Here I spend time in this blackened space…. so as to be reborn.
“And you must also know that the pattern of re-emerging never ends, it is the cycle of the chrysalis, to emerge, awaken, die, turn to stardust and reemerge as something completely new…and in that next life so shall he continue to create such patterns of rebirth.”
I remember what Azrael (the angel of transition) said, “all cycles flow into the next”. What this means is that everything is everything. Nothing is separate. Death is not really death. It is the continuation of life in different form. No moment is on it’s own, singular. It bridges into the next one, awakening this ‘new moment’ into it’s presentness. And so too, the next. All things are occurring as one flowing movement that is thus, actually stationary. All things are actually everything. And here we find the
space of Oneness.
And herein I realise that what it is to bloom, is to die.
P.S. About a week ago, I was experiencing a lot of resistance to my emotions, I also felt trapped within the resistance. So, I called the element of fire to my being and I breathed it into all of my chakras. One by one, I burned through them so as to release what needed to be released. I cried and shook. When it was done, I had a vision of myself/my inner child as ashes in the air. I wondered that she should be reborn soon. I wondered that maybe I should call the element of water, for renewal, to myself. But I knew, I just knew, she/I wanted to stay as ashes in the air, so I left myself as such. Now I understand why. If I am to feel safe, if I have to lose my resistance to change and find my flow, I must die first, and then see that I live on.