Gold From The Heart On

Earlier today I felt the familiar urge to channel. There is an urge to move rhythmically inside of the energy being offered, there is the thought and feeling, “someone is talking to me”, there is the inspiration to sit quietly with my selenite crystal point, to meditate and then awaken to listen, and flow inside of the energy being offered.


I haven’t felt the natural urge to channel for quite awhile. A lot of my trauma has been triggered for me to integrate all at once recently. The last few weeks have been extremely difficult. In the last few days I have finally had the chance to ‘just be’. There was not one thing on my ‘to do’ list. I was able to spend 2 days in bed. I slept when I felt like it, I Skyped with friends, I drank tea and I watched The Office and Southpark. My friend I am staying with so kindly adjusted my environment to reduce my triggers enough that I was able to have this time where I could really just be, without intense emotional upheaval.

As result of just being, I was able to reconnect with my true self again for longer than fleeting moments. These last few weeks it has felt like that… like I am constantly triggered and so my centred self has felt far from me. As soon as I resolved one trigger, another would take it’s place. So, yesterday and today have been such, such relief.

From a natural place of, “I feel like it” as opposed to, “I should”, I meditated yesterday. I meditated upon the emotion of anger I was experiencing. I was angry that anger had come to ‘ruin’ my restful time of just being. So, I chose to allow it to ‘just be’ with me – no intention of healing it, no intention of relieving it, just… being with it. Taking this attitude was, in fact, healing, to the part of me that felt anger. I held space for myself as I breathed and felt what it was like to feel anger (a tensing, a fire, pain). The emotion was able to transform from the ‘room’ that disidenification, presence and unconditional acceptance creates. I even also helped the inner child aspect of me who was experiencing that anger, which held beneath it hurt, betrayal and sadness. I helped her not by offering healing… but rather, by just being.

Earlier today I was mildly triggered by trying on dresses that were quite tight. I looked at my frame in the mirror and did not like what I saw. I reflected back to when I struggled with eating disorder and was very very small. For a few moments I wished for that back. It is awful to feel so uncomfortable inside your body, that which you cannot really escape. After a few minutes I decided to offer the same presence I had offered to my anger yesterday, to this feeling of being repulsively ugly. I found a part of myself that was just so despairing about this. There are parts of me that, on the inside, just feel sick about how my body looks. I was with her… and…I was just with her. Soon she needed someone trustworthy and beautiful to come and talk about the true nature of beauty… an angel came to speak on this. The angel spoke of how all humans have gold inside of them that shines beyond their skin. Then the embodiment of divine feminine came to be with this part of me too. She told this part of me that we are one and the same… That I am an aspect of her, her whom I consider endlessly beautiful. She spoke of how I am her and she is me. She then helped this part of me dress in beautiful, hand woven, flowing things, brush her hair and apply a luminous kind of lipstick that was somehow also light… these sensual things and actions that I associate with divine feminine beauty. And then…she was gold from the heart on.

About 20 minutes later, I felt the familiar urge to channel, as aforementioned.

I sat down on the couch and closed my eyes, with a guided meditation playing quietly in my ears that I wasn’t really listening to, but just kind of provided the right vibration for my intention. I breathed and allowed. I breathed and relaxed. I let the energy enter my field more fully… It was familiar to me. Pleiadian. “The Pleiadian Council of 9” to be exact.

They started speaking to me telepathically as I let their energy run through my system, drawing me to move my body rhythmically, my arms weaving and flowing, my hands coming into the shape of a triangle, then the drawing of the infinity symbol in my field. I watched as all the energy danced. It felt so good. They spoke for about 15 minutes. I didn’t record what they were saying. I wondered that I should, worried I would forget what was coming in. They said there was no need because this was a message for just me (but that I could share if I wished). I did not need to be able to remember their exact words to remember their message. The emotion it left me with… it was so beautiful and so much, when I was done, I had tears running down my face.

The main points of their message:

“We are always with you.
You are transforming into divine grace.
In your role as an Ambassador for us, you give and express beauty and divine purpose to all.
You are transmuting suffering/shadow/trauma for everyone – humans in the past (through the DNA), present and the future… and for Pleiadians themselves, because humans are family, as they are our past selves.
Cities will fall (they refer to imminent world changes here) but you will stand in divine grace.
Surrender to it all, washing it through.
We are with you.
DNA is ‘unlocking’ – I see a vision of my and others’ DNA shedding a hardened shell… It falls away… It is the trauma leaving the collective and me. It is the evolution.
Work with us – healing – we offer somatic release. We can help you.”

I started crying when I felt all of them, not just the council, but the collective of all Pleiadians, gathering around me. They wrapped me in their collective energy and repeated, “We are with you. You are not alone.”

I was very much in my Pleiadian aspect of consciousness when they showed me that my trauma and the shadow work I am doing on it is not just for healing me, but it is part of my mission in general… to heal others through healing myself. I was outside of my human self in order to fully grasp this… I felt myself a visitor here, remembering the mission and talking to my family back home.

When I cried, I cried for the grief of love they offered me. How I no longer felt alone in that moment, contrasted with having recently felt so very alone.

I have now resigned to the fact that I am being called into a path of total surrender. Surrender to my emotions, my shadow, the past, life… Forcing you to place all of yourself into the hands of the universe, the divine of this world that asks me to stop resisting and just trust, even as I have no fucking clue how I will possibly be okay when I do that… It is a battle of the ego and the mind, that wants to have all answers, that cannot trust without knowing what is ahead. My mind/ego does not want to let go, it seeks for more information and more steadiness. But there is none. And so, I have been brought to the death of myself again and again to the point where I am left in this place of – no choice but surrender… Thanks to this message, I now understand this, in it’s exalted form, in it’s progression, to be a flowing into trusting in, being, expressing, living in faith of and as, divine grace.

I have been thinking about my life purpose. I have been thinking about how my negative imprint is futility, and how active that has been lately, and how I keep remaining here despite that great trauma… And when I ask myself, “Why? Why am I here, and still?” the answer is, “for the richness, the great beauty, the grand depth and aliveness of life”. And then I ask myself, “What do I even mean? When I say that, what do I mean?” And I can barely define it. I become so inspired as I think about it that I get chills and tears come into my eyes every single time. But here I’ll try to explain.

I think it is that… it is… the great beauty of life that is it’s grand, grand meaning.

It is that great beauty that can be felt and seen when we notice that even the ugliest things in this world are here for a divine purpose.
That which at first glance, creates harm, such as war, is what allows us to desire, create, notice, and experience, the benevolence and safety of peace, for instance.
Everything in all of creation, has a meaningful, positive intention of expansion, awareness and union of the self (back to Source, Oneness) that is perfectly orchestrated by the universe within it. Some of the beautiful meaning can be hidden, but only if we do not look deeply enough.

The feeling of imprisonment held by many on planet Earth gives rise to the desire for our collective freedom here.

It is the darkness I have to thank for my ability to even conceive of, let a lone appreciate, light.

It is only thanks to sadness do I wholly appreciate my happiness.

This is just… fucking everything.
All of this means that no matter what happens, no matter what is, life is never futile… it is always the opposite of that…meaningful… and thus… life is so, endlessly, imploringly, astoundingly, deeply BEAUTIFUL.


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